A New Way Forward

I’m torn about a letter that came across my desk recently.  Its asks for full inclusion for people from the LGBT community in our national church.

I’m torn because the issue hits close to home, and affects my family deeply; people we love are in the LGBT community. I’m also torn because I don’t like the culture of silence our national church has embraced in the last decade. Silence may calm the surface, but torrents can still swirl just beneath. 

Though I’m torn, I’m grateful for this letter.  Its given colleagues and I the opportunity to talk openly. Candid, respectful discussion is life giving. 

But, I haven’t been able to sign.  There are two reasons.

Does this go too far?

The letter describes the paths sister denominations have taken.  But it is strangely silent on the fragmenting these same churches have experienced.  In every example I’m aware of, the discussion has resulted in an argument where some of the sisters and brothers leave the family.   Will my signature result in a similar outcome? Will a signature for one side of the issue, be a signature to dismiss some of my family?

Part of what attracted me to The Presbyterian Church in Canada was its broad, centrist theology.  It was refreshing after being in churches where there was only one right way to think about an issue.  I would hate to see that inclusivist position sacrificed, even if it’s in the name of inclusion or hospitality.

Furthermore, changing the church’s law doesn’t mean we’ve achieved inclusion.  Recently I was doing some training with colleagues in the PC(USA).  I had the chance to speak with a gay minister who was serving an urban, largely ethnic congregation in the New York Presbytery.   Though living “out” to his friends and family, he was in the proverbial closet with his congregation.  In fact, he had no intentions of coming out with those he served.  He felt some just couldn’t handle a gay minister and in service to them, he kept his sexuality to himself. 

Closer to home, a local United Church colleague recently asked her congregation to become “affirming”.  This title marks an important status change for interacting with members of the LGBT community in the United Church.  Despite being in a growing suburban area, the vote was unsuccessful. This happened thirty years after the United Church in Canada had changed the law.

Changing the law doesn’t mean the culture has changed.  Thus, the second reason I can’t sign:

Does this go far enough?

Culture change is what’s needed, but that doesn’t happen quickly.  We need to learn how to talk about sexuality, but that won’t happen overnight.

A few years ago I was sitting with some colleagues after a Presbytery meeting.  The conversation turned to inclusion of members from the LGBT community in our pulpits and getting married in our churches.  The energy of the conversation suddenly increased.  I’m sure the scotch helped but within a few short minutes we were all a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed at how things had escalated.  Our host summed it well when he said, “I don’t think we know how to talk about this issue.”

That needs to change.  

I don’t want to be forced into an either/or position on this.  My church, including my brothers are too important, including those in the LGBT community and those who disagree. There are more and better options than simply “for” or “against.”  Reducing the issue to these binary terms reduces us to opposing tribes.  This issue, and even people from the LGBT community, are reduced to a boundary.  Our position in relation to them marks whose in our tribe, and whose not.  I’m not ok with that.

We need to talk with people from the other side.

During a trip to Israel and Palestine, our team was sitting with some Palestinian Christian leaders in Bethlehem.  We were disturbed as they shared stories of violence and racism.  Then, someone asked the leaders, “How many Israelis do you know personally.”  Their answer? None.  Prejudice of all kinds is fed by ignorance, whether racism or misunderstanding about gender and sexual minorities.  These can only be overcome as we share our stories and ideas openly.

In the almost 10 years I’ve spent in The PCC, I’ve noticed that many are trying to create an environment where this can happen.  Members of the LGBT community are already in our churches, and have been ordained. In love for them, we’ve not subjected them to church discipline.  In love for us, they have not proclaimed their sexuality forcing divisive cases of church discipline.  Granted, this isn’t a sustainable solution, but it points to a way forward.

A Different Way Forward

Let’s continue creating a safe environment to hear God’s Spirit in each other’s lives.  Instead of getting mired in a polarized conversation, why not change the church’s law to reflect our current practice?  Could even be Sun Tzu's golden bridge one of my colleagues referenced?

Let’s remove any references that affirm or forbid the varieties of sexuality.  Let our national church stay silent on the rightness or wrongness of any particular identification: gay, straight, bi, trans.

Then let the conversation continue to bubble up at the local level.  Let us ask God’s Spirit to work within each of us, accepting that we all “see through a glass dimly.”  Let our national bodies or synod staff take the lead in developing tools to help us talk about sexuality and gender identity.  We don’t need to reinvent the wheel – there are already groups doing excellent work in this field, like New Directions.  Then locally and relationally, emphasizing love over tolerance, we can together discern God’s Spirit for our specific contexts.

Since we’re not forcing any change from the top-down, it will continue to be slow and organic. But, it also won’t be about a winning side and a losing one.  Instead we will be creating a safe space for all to come together: right and left, conservative and progressive, gay and straight.  The national church’s legal neutrality can be an affirmation of our respect for each other as seek to become the answer to our High Priest’s prayer: “that they should be one, as [The Father] and I are one.”

I want to hear the voices of my brothers and sister, gay or straight, right or left.  Only together, can we hear God speak for the future.