Transitions are tough. Even good ones, like a wedding or
going to school, can be times of stress.
My little guy just started kindergarten in the modified
school calendar. He was excited
about it. This was part of being a
big boy, and we talked it up, encouraging those positive feelings. The first
day, he stood in line and while little boys broke down in tears beside him, he
bravely walked into school.
He snuck into our bed early the next morning and stated
matter of factly, “I’m not going to school today.”
“What are you going to do?” his mom asked.
“I’m going to stay home with you,” he replied. She patiently explained that he
couldn’t do that. So he upped it a
level:
“My tummy hurts,” he said. “Can I stay home in my jammies?” The mixture of sympathy and
cuteness wore on her defenses. But
wise woman that she is, she said, “If you stay home in your jammies, you’ll
need to stay in your bed all day.”
That was enough for the second day. The third, a similar story unfolded.
Maybe it was the other boys’ example.
Maybe it was that there was no place for the kids to play, so that they were
stuck lining up in front of the school instead of playing with the kids in the
fenced area. Maybe.
But, maybe it’s also because transitions are tough.
Burns, the congregation I serve with, is experiencing this
first hand. There’s a lot of good
things happening, but even good transitions can be stressful.
New Faces
We’ve had new people come, and they’ve been warmly welcomed
by those already there. However,
some have also felt the wonder of seeing people we don’t know. Things have changed and while its
welcome, its also has some discomfort.
Family Size to Pastoral Size
With new people, the congregation has shifted from what
Alice Mann calls a family size church to a pastoral size one. In a family size, everyone knows
everyone. Communication is pretty
easy as the grapevine is pretty active. Everyone chips in a little energy and the
maintenance tasks are done.
With a pastoral size, and with new people, the grapevine
doesn’t work in the same way.
Getting news to those that need it can be challenging, and involves
adopting everything from facebook pages to newsletters.
Local to Regional
Just a decade ago, most of the people who came to Burns on a
Sunday lived in or were connected to the village of Ashburn. Now, its about a quarter. People come for all kinds of reasons,
especially because they feel an affinity with what God’s doing among us. That’s great! But, its meant our objectives shift from strategies that
worked in a village, to ones that work for a region.
These changes are good, but they can be difficult. Here are some things we’re discovering
about navigating these waters.
Keep Focused
When my little guy was standing in line on that first day,
as the boys are crying beside him, he was fixated on them. His mom and I kept drawing his
attention back to his teacher, how he was growing up, that he was going to have
a great day.
No matter what the transition is, it helps to stay focused
on the end of the transition. What are we hoping for? What is God doing within and around us? What will be the result of this season?
Talk Lots
As my little guy stood in line, we used our words to help
him stay focused. When he came
into bed and said he didn’t want to go to school, we asked him why. When people are feeling anxious about
the transition they’re in, its important to talk about things. What are we feeling, and what’s made us
feel that way?
A few of us from Burns did that last night and realized much
of what we were feeling was rooted in these transitions. Knowing that allowed
us to live with the tension of this season, while working on some of the other
things that were within our control.
What often happens is we blame all the tension on one or two
issues. They become flash points
for a bunch of energy that is actually tied to other things too, like the
discomfort and stress of a transition.
Talking it through allows us separate the issues, tackle the ones we
can, and pray for the serenity to accept the things we can’t change.
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