Confirmation as Coming of Age

In our branch of the church, many teens are invited to “confirm” their faith, to own for themselves the promises their parents or godparents took for them at their baptism.

It’s a rite rooted in a presumption that teens are mature enough to make these kinds of commitments for themselves.  In other words, though we don’t say it often enough, confirmation is a coming-of-age rite.

Many cultures have these kinds of rites, from the spirit-quest in some aboriginal traditions, to the Bar-Mitzvah in Judaism. As I started to think about confirmation for the youth at Burns, where I serve, it seemed we weren’t owning this as a opportunity to transition children into adulthood.  So we did a three experiments this year.

Experiment #1: Mentoring

Burns is a small church, without the critical mass needed for a vibrant youth program. I attended a workshop by Andrew Root who described the best youth ministry as that which allows teens to spend life with us.  In other words, mentoring.  No critical mass needed; we’d try to just live life with these kids, pointing out where God was along the way.

Each month five teens and myself met twice to share a meal, sometimes at the church and sometimes at my home.  We also tried to have an outing at least once a month.  The meal times were about conversation and questions, while the outings were about testing personal boundaries and the experience of discovery.  Both were shaped by Root’s idea.

The meal lasted about an hour.  We ate while we watched a video from the Reform curriculum by Sparkhouse.  Early on we’d do the activities provided by the curriculum.  But, by the end of the year, discussion was flowing so easily that activities were unnecessary. The meals were often provided by parents (big thanks to Andy and Chrissy!), and were booked before another weekly event where three of the teens were involved – the band rehearsal for Sunday. So, the teens weren’t asked to come out an additional evening per week.

The monthly outing didn’t always work, but we did go a number of times.  Things like woodworking with one of the parents, and a visit to Evangel Hall (a Presbyterian mission in Toronto).  These doubled as opportunities to hang out and spend life together.  More conversation and laughter was shared in the car as we piled in to and from the destination.

Experiment #2: a Rite of Passage into Young Adulthood

This past weekend, on the evening before they confirmed their faith, we wrapped up the journey of the past ten months by inviting the teens for a dinner party at our home.  They were asked to invite their parents to be part of the evening too.  Before we ate, we shared a little litany based on one found in Illuminata by Marianne Williamson.

The focus was on coming of age.  After connecting the rite with the confirmation, the ceremony had five parts:

Presentation: The teen says something about who they are, and how they have come to understand themselves.  I shared a short reflection of the positive things I’d seen in each one as I’d spent time with them over the past months.  Some parents got in on it too!

Confession & Forgiveness: Both adults and teens confess things done and not done to that hindered the world from being more Christ-like.  Then, we extended forgiveness to each other.

Invitation: The adults invited the teens into the company of adults, and into God’s work of healing the world.

Gratitude: The teens said thank you for how the parents have invested in their lives to this point.  Some even gave gifts.

Releasing: The parents released their children to be young adults, acknowledging that their relationships will change, but not end.

Affirmation: With prayer and blessing, all gathered there acknowledged that these children are now young adults.

It was a moving ceremony.  As we sat around the living room there was lots of laughter and tears.

Experiment #3: Oil, Water & Gifts

The Presbyterian Book of Common of worship has some questions for the affirmation of baptism service that are often used for Confirmation too.  But since it’s the same ceremony used for receiving new members, we sometimes mix up the two.  No young adults were made members during this confirmation.  Instead I reworked the questions into less formal language, then the young adults confirmed the promises for themselves.

We tried to incorporate some classic Christian symbols to make this come alive.  During the ceremony, the baptism font was filled and the young adults were invited to take turns dipping their hands into it.  Each was given the chance to remember their baptism in Christ’s community.

We also used oil.  After explaining it’s significance in calling someone to God’s work, we anointed each young adult with a cross on the forehead.  With oil and words we affirmed that each one was called to be God’s agent of renewal in the world.  Each one also felt the stickyness of the oil and was encouraged to remember that their God sticks by them in every circumstance.

After the congregation received the young adults as equals and agreed to support them on their journey with Christ, the elders laid on hands and we prayed.

Burns has a milestones ministry, marking important life transitions in worship with prayer and symbolic gifts.  A small wooden cross was given to each young adult as a reminder of this day.

The Results

The year has been fruitful in a number of ways. 

First, relationships with the teens deepened, creating a sense of community.  Since we don’t have critical mass to run a full youth program, I was hoping to at least deepen the teens connection to each other.  I saw that happen.   We ended making plans to continue to hang out over the summer.

Second, I saw the teens take greater ownership for their church.  Two had already been occasionally involved in leading music, but by January they were asking to be more regularly involved.  These two also started taking on tasks around the physical plant.  Another one helped start a new ministry called F5 (First Friday of the month, Faith-based Family Fun) and brings her friends to contribute every month.  Another had been a quiet observer, but has started experimenting with where he could play a part.   The fifth one applied to go on a missions trip after visiting Evangel Hall, and came up with a great idea for social functions.  (We did a quiche cook off in February and a chili cook-off in March).

Burns isn’t a big church – I’m ok with that.  But I want us to be good at journeying with people through life’s transitions, so they can deepen their connection to God and each other.