A New Way Forward

I’m torn about a letter that came across my desk recently.  Its asks for full inclusion for people from the LGBT community in our national church.

I’m torn because the issue hits close to home, and affects my family deeply; people we love are in the LGBT community. I’m also torn because I don’t like the culture of silence our national church has embraced in the last decade. Silence may calm the surface, but torrents can still swirl just beneath. 

Though I’m torn, I’m grateful for this letter.  Its given colleagues and I the opportunity to talk openly. Candid, respectful discussion is life giving. 

But, I haven’t been able to sign.  There are two reasons.

Does this go too far?

The letter describes the paths sister denominations have taken.  But it is strangely silent on the fragmenting these same churches have experienced.  In every example I’m aware of, the discussion has resulted in an argument where some of the sisters and brothers leave the family.   Will my signature result in a similar outcome? Will a signature for one side of the issue, be a signature to dismiss some of my family?

Part of what attracted me to The Presbyterian Church in Canada was its broad, centrist theology.  It was refreshing after being in churches where there was only one right way to think about an issue.  I would hate to see that inclusivist position sacrificed, even if it’s in the name of inclusion or hospitality.

Furthermore, changing the church’s law doesn’t mean we’ve achieved inclusion.  Recently I was doing some training with colleagues in the PC(USA).  I had the chance to speak with a gay minister who was serving an urban, largely ethnic congregation in the New York Presbytery.   Though living “out” to his friends and family, he was in the proverbial closet with his congregation.  In fact, he had no intentions of coming out with those he served.  He felt some just couldn’t handle a gay minister and in service to them, he kept his sexuality to himself. 

Closer to home, a local United Church colleague recently asked her congregation to become “affirming”.  This title marks an important status change for interacting with members of the LGBT community in the United Church.  Despite being in a growing suburban area, the vote was unsuccessful. This happened thirty years after the United Church in Canada had changed the law.

Changing the law doesn’t mean the culture has changed.  Thus, the second reason I can’t sign:

Does this go far enough?

Culture change is what’s needed, but that doesn’t happen quickly.  We need to learn how to talk about sexuality, but that won’t happen overnight.

A few years ago I was sitting with some colleagues after a Presbytery meeting.  The conversation turned to inclusion of members from the LGBT community in our pulpits and getting married in our churches.  The energy of the conversation suddenly increased.  I’m sure the scotch helped but within a few short minutes we were all a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed at how things had escalated.  Our host summed it well when he said, “I don’t think we know how to talk about this issue.”

That needs to change.  

I don’t want to be forced into an either/or position on this.  My church, including my brothers are too important, including those in the LGBT community and those who disagree. There are more and better options than simply “for” or “against.”  Reducing the issue to these binary terms reduces us to opposing tribes.  This issue, and even people from the LGBT community, are reduced to a boundary.  Our position in relation to them marks whose in our tribe, and whose not.  I’m not ok with that.

We need to talk with people from the other side.

During a trip to Israel and Palestine, our team was sitting with some Palestinian Christian leaders in Bethlehem.  We were disturbed as they shared stories of violence and racism.  Then, someone asked the leaders, “How many Israelis do you know personally.”  Their answer? None.  Prejudice of all kinds is fed by ignorance, whether racism or misunderstanding about gender and sexual minorities.  These can only be overcome as we share our stories and ideas openly.

In the almost 10 years I’ve spent in The PCC, I’ve noticed that many are trying to create an environment where this can happen.  Members of the LGBT community are already in our churches, and have been ordained. In love for them, we’ve not subjected them to church discipline.  In love for us, they have not proclaimed their sexuality forcing divisive cases of church discipline.  Granted, this isn’t a sustainable solution, but it points to a way forward.

A Different Way Forward

Let’s continue creating a safe environment to hear God’s Spirit in each other’s lives.  Instead of getting mired in a polarized conversation, why not change the church’s law to reflect our current practice?  Could even be Sun Tzu's golden bridge one of my colleagues referenced?

Let’s remove any references that affirm or forbid the varieties of sexuality.  Let our national church stay silent on the rightness or wrongness of any particular identification: gay, straight, bi, trans.

Then let the conversation continue to bubble up at the local level.  Let us ask God’s Spirit to work within each of us, accepting that we all “see through a glass dimly.”  Let our national bodies or synod staff take the lead in developing tools to help us talk about sexuality and gender identity.  We don’t need to reinvent the wheel – there are already groups doing excellent work in this field, like New Directions.  Then locally and relationally, emphasizing love over tolerance, we can together discern God’s Spirit for our specific contexts.

Since we’re not forcing any change from the top-down, it will continue to be slow and organic. But, it also won’t be about a winning side and a losing one.  Instead we will be creating a safe space for all to come together: right and left, conservative and progressive, gay and straight.  The national church’s legal neutrality can be an affirmation of our respect for each other as seek to become the answer to our High Priest’s prayer: “that they should be one, as [The Father] and I are one.”

I want to hear the voices of my brothers and sister, gay or straight, right or left.  Only together, can we hear God speak for the future.

Wrestling with God

Wrestling with my son just helped me teach him the Bible.

We were doing our usual pre-dinner devotional routine.  Tonight, it was the Spark story Bible, a great book that tells many of the stories from scripture in accessible language and with fun pictures.  We read the story of Jacob’s wrestling with the angel.  As usual, the little guy was restless. Is it just mine or do all boys finds sitting still a chore?

There are certain go-to strategies that help keep attention.  Moving children from passive listeners to active participants is one of them.  

The angel tries to get away, but Jacob won’t let go, not until the angel blesses him.  “The angel turned and asked Jacob his name” I read, then asked, “What’s your name?”  We all shared our names.  

We finished the story.  The angel gives Jacob a new name, Israel, because he had wrestled with God.  “Cool! He wrestled with God."

After the story was done, the responsive activity was to find someone to wrestle with.  That’s when the magic happened.

I lay on the ground, and the little guy jumped on me.  We tickled, laughed, rough-housed.  Then, he said, “I’m the angel, no I’m Jacob.”  He grabbed my shirt and wouldn’t let go as I feigned escape.  I asked him “What’s your name?” Nothing.  

“You say ‘Jacob’”, I prompted.  

“Jacob.”  he said, still hanging onto my shirt with tenacity and a mischievous smile.

“Now you say, ‘I won’t let go until you bless me.’” I continued.

He said it, grin turning to smile on his mouth and eyes.

“I give you a new name: Israel,” I said.  

His grin grew.  Then, like the kids we were, we pressed rewind and told the whole story over again.

A scene from The Nativity flashed into my mind.  The children are sitting around Anna, a leader in her village.  While an adolescent Mary prepares their snack, Anna tells the children the story of Elijah on the mountain.  But, the children aren’t passive.  As Anna tells, she pauses, and the children respond with lines that sound ancient, like they’ve been said since the children were babes.  

I think something like that happened with my rambunctious little guy tonight.  Hearing the story wasn’t enough.  We needed to act it out, be part of it, respond to it.  In the wrestling, he moved from distracted to involved and the story from simple words to lived experience.

How do you tell your kids the ancient stories?

Life Lessons from Zip Lining

 This past July, my nine year old, adrenaline-junkie daughter and I couldn't resist going zip-lining down Marble Mountain near Corner Brook, NF.  

 

Its advertised to be one of the highest zip courses in Canada, spanning a small gorge and waterfall.  We took ATV's to the top, then zipped down nine lines to the bottom.

What a blast!  Here's some of what I took away from the experience

Research – Get the Facts Straight

The guides started by explaining safety procedures, the specs of the ropes and how the trip would look.  We'd jump, and they catch us on the other end.    Don't twist the double ropes.  Don't hang onto the ropes.  Do enjoy the ride.

 

Before we jump, we need to start by gathering the needed information.  Don’t let emotions alone be the guide.  Let’s make sure we know and understand as much as we can before we make the jump.

 

Faith

Despite everything our guides had said, we still had to make the choice whether to believe them.  Did the folks who built the course know what they were doing?  Thankfully, one of the guides, who were both bigger than me, went ahead first. If the lines could hold the him, they’d probably be ok with me.  

 

It works that way with our faith in God too - at some point, we have to look to those who have gone ahead of us: the writers of scripture, heroes in the Church's history, mentors, loved ones.  Looking at their example will build our faith.  Others have trusted him and thrived; we can too

 

Jump – Take a risk

I heard the instructions; I saw the guide cross.  Now I had to jump.  Despite everything I just said above, there was still a moment when I had to will myself off the platform and over the gorge.  

 

The reward was massive!  A beautiful view, a total rush.

 

Once we've done our research and had our faith strengthened, its time to jump.  God will often ask us of things that stretch us out of our comfort zone.  We know with our head they're important and good, but we still have to make the choice to…

 

            … JUMP!

 

Enjoy the trip

As we stood overlooking the gorge for the first time, I said to my daughter "Would you like to go first?"  It was code for "You go, I'll follow."   Yes, I can be a wuss.  Not surprisingly, she passed it back.  A little banter and we agreed to take turns going first.  I took turn one.  Then she took turn two.  Then I went.  Then she did, again.  And she did again, and again! It was so much fun, she went first almost every time.

 

Once the trip was started, we were having so much fun I didn't want it to end.  Then I caught myself beginning to dread the end, and suddenly the trip wasn't fun anymore.  "Just be here and now," I heard the wind say, "enjoy this gift."  

 

So, I chatted with the guides and heard their stories.  I got my picture taken over the gorge.  I repeatedly came in rear-end-first to the next platform, a sure sign that my backside is more aerodynamic, the guide explained.  

 

So much can distract us from the joys of right now.  Sometimes we need to just be here.

 

Laugh at Yourself

We arrived at the last run of the course.  I'd been following all the instructions the guides had given at the top.  Now, there was one more.  

"At the bottom, listen to what the guide says - its really important for stopping."  Ok, deal.  And off I went.  Faster and faster - this was by far the longest and fastest line.

Then, the guide waiting at the bottom yelled "pull the break!!!" as his hands pulled down on an imaginary rope near his head.

"Brake.

            Brake?!  

                        What brake?!?!" I panicked, just before my rope slammed into a series of springs that diffused the speed.  

Of course, there was no brake.  

Sometimes, we'll misunderstand, or make a mistake.  I have a bad habit of taking myself too seriously when that happens.  My wife is a good antidote to that affliction.  I'm learning that it’s important to learn what I can from my misunderstandings, and be prepared to laugh at myself.

A Prayer for Students

We'll be using this at Burns Presbyterian Church on Sunday, September 8, as we pray a blessing upon all students.  We've made this a community service, but will be pairing it with commissioning the kids ministry workers.  Its not a celebration without food, so of course they'll be a BBQ after.  

The prayer is a merger of two prayers found in Illuminata (Marianne Williamson, Random House, 1994) and Prayer Book for Lay People (The Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge, 2008).

Lord Jesus Christ,

You are alive and at work in the world

            In schools

            And in all the places where students go to meet, and live and learn

There are no words for the depth of our love for these students

            We surrender them into your hands

May they be protected from the darkness of our times

            And always see You at the centre of life

We pray each may be blessed to be your disciple

            And their hearts made strong to love you and serve you

May each see through your eyes,

            And hear the questions you are asking

May they welcome truth when they find it

            Greeting it as a gift from you

May they be agents of your lovingkindness

            To all they meet

And learn to invest their lives in changing the things that contradict your love

As they begin a new school year

            May they increase in kindness and strength

            Relying on your power from within

Living fully and deeply

            And freely growing into

                        The men and women you have created them to be

For its in your name we pray

Amen

The Truth about Transformation

Transformation is a wonderful thing. It can be slow, sometimes imperceptible, but it’s results can be delicious.

There’s a pear tree in my backyard that was bare a few months ago.  First came beautiful blossoms, then leaves and then just the smallest buds of young fruit.  This week, I was up on a ladder trying to get all the pears that were bending the branches with their weight.  The yellow ones were soft, sweet and warm from the sun.  Delicious! I think my son ate six.

Like those pears, our purpose is to be transformed into something delicious.  All the potential lies within and around us, and like a Master Chef (yes, I’m mixing metaphors here), our Creator has made each of us with a plan in mind.  Our transformation into the men and women we were created to be is often just as slow and imperceptible as with those pears. But, the end is no less sweet.

I’ve been reading parables in the Gospel of Mark chapter four: The Sower, the growing seed and the mustard seed.  All are parables about how the Kingdom of heaven infiltrates and transforms us.  C.S. Lewis famously described it as a good infection, changing us from the inside out.  Jesus used seed metaphors because the change is slow, sometimes imperceptible. 

Waiting for the pears to come could be agonizing.  Instead, all our family could do is go on with life, nurture the tree and notice when the fruit was ready.

Its that way with our personal transformation too.  Rather than waiting for it to come, or beating up on ourselves because we haven’t arrived, we’re invited to get on with life.  Nurture our transformation and take notice when the work has been happening.  Live, love, reflect.  Sounds like a wonderful rhythm.

Now, I was raised in a tradition that heavily emphasized personal transformation; you might hear that prejudice coming out.  I’m currently in a tradition that includes societal transformation. In Christ’s Church, there has been a chasm between the personal gospel of one stream, and the social gospel of the other.  I’m glad to see signs of a bridge being built, because these two streams are part of the same River (to borrow an image from Richard Foster).  They are intimately connected; two sides of the same coin. 

Individuals cannot be genuinely transformed by God’s love without becoming means of transformation to the whole of God’s Creation.  “Grace is not grace if it is not expressed in life” says Karl Barth. 

And, the whole of creation becomes a means of God’s transformative work. “Where can I go from Your Spirit?” the writer asks in Psalm 139.

(Is it any wonder that the Christian view of the end includes the idea that some pieces won’t fit? When all is made right, when creation and each of us have been transformed and finally know ourselves as we have always been known by our Creator, what place will there be for the darkness that had prevented us from realizing this identity? The darkness must cease to be.)

One last thought.  I could nurture and notice the pear tree, but I couldn’t make the pears grow.  In the same way, I can nurture and notice my personal transformation, but I can’t make it happen. That’s God’s work, and the Christian hope is for a final day when this work will be finished and all will be made well.  Until then, all I can do is join God’s great transformative endeavor, within me and in the whole of Creation.

Objectives Revisited

I’ve written about our leadership team’s work setting core values and objectives.  Last Friday, we held another meeting to set new objectives for this quarter, and evaluate the ones we were using. 

Objectives are important because they help orient an organization and build momentum. They should be rooted in our core values, be achievable and quantifiable.

Evaluating

It’d been about three months, enough time to see how we’d done on accomplishing our first three objectives.

1. Hymns in Worship

We had discerned that some among us didn’t feel at home anymore, and music played a part in that. So we would intentionally include at least one hymn done in a traditional style.

I thought we did really well on this one.  Folks had shown gratitude for the effort. But, as we chatted more, it became clear that simply doing a hymn from the hymnbook didn’t always meet the need.   One Sunday, we did three hymns from the book, but someone still asked afterwards if we could sing a hymn.  The issue wasn’t whether we did hymns from the book, but whether we did hymns that evoke the sacred for the folks who worship with us.

So, the leadership team opted to go back to the congregation.

We each have our own inner repertoire of sacred music.  Since we need to purge our music files anyways, we’re asking the folks at Burns which songs we should make sure we keep.

2. Ashburn Canada Day Picnic

We had an amazing time at the Canada Day picnic that takes place in the village where we worship (I’ve written about it here).  The congregation did the BBQ and had lots of fun doing it.

Our original objective was to infuse a bit more fun into the event.  While there were races for kids of different age groups, we still saw a need for the kinds of things families could come back to throughout the event. We decided to investigate getting more deeply involved next year.

3. Prayer Emphasis

Prayer is one of our core values, and we want to nurture a culture of prayer.  In addition to personal stories about praying, and a prayer request box in the foyer, we prayed for 5-6 families from our roll each week.  We sent a card to each of them, letting them know we had prayed for them. 

On a number of occasions, people who had been away for a while made a point of worshipping with us, letting us know how much they appreciated that we were praying for them.  More than once, I had a person approach me and say, “Getting that card was just what I needed, considering the week I was having.”

This was a success, and one we’ll continue. 

Hearing the Context

Afterwards, we took time revisit the reports from a bunch of listening exercises in May and June: an online survey to our community, a Natural Church Development survey, and attending a Stewards-by-Design conference run through our denomination. 

Setting New Objectives

Finally came the crux of the evening.  What were the needs we’d heard from these reports and from our congregation?  After grouping similar ones together, we ranked them.  Here are the top three:

1. Communication.

People are attending who use a variety of media, and as we transition from a village to a regional church, it was clear we needed to amp up our game in a few ways:

a.     Rework the website. 

An elder is forming a team to recommend what our new, online “front door” should look like.

b.     Merge email communication. 

We don’t want to be “that” church with multiple emails and duplicated details .  A strategy was developed to place all “church family” news in the weekly email.

c.      Weekly print bulletin

The same “church family” news will be available by print every week.  Right now, we only use projected slides, but many commented they missed taking something home on paper. 

We agreed to change it.

d.     Monthly print newsletter

We’d shift the focus of this to be for those in our wider community.  As momentum builds, we’ll need a vehicle to let the community know what’s happening.

2. Broader Ownership.  

We realized that for objectives to work in our whole congregation, more of the key players needed to be on board.  Burns has always been pretty democratic, so it didn’t surprise me that we felt more congregational support was needed.  Thankfully, Dr. Callahan recommends the same, so I felt pretty confident this was a good direction. 

We’re working on a strategic planning meeting in the fall and will bring in a facilitator to help us.

      3. Activities.

Burns has always been blessed with people who have get-up-and-go.  The women are talking about a weekly exercise and fellowship gathering. The men are talking about how to partner with a local agency that serves families living with autism.  The women are planning a trip to a dinner theater.  The men are planning to go bowling.  There is no shortage of activity.

That makes the leadership team’s job straight forward: support what the Spirit is doing among the grass roots!  So we are.

One meeting isn’t the end of the story, but during that time we sensed the Spirit’s leading, allowing our congregation to move in a direction the whole team could get behind. 

How very Presbyterian!

Transitions can be Tough

Transitions are tough. Even good ones, like a wedding or going to school, can be times of stress.

My little guy just started kindergarten in the modified school calendar.  He was excited about it.  This was part of being a big boy, and we talked it up, encouraging those positive feelings. The first day, he stood in line and while little boys broke down in tears beside him, he bravely walked into school.

He snuck into our bed early the next morning and stated matter of factly, “I’m not going to school today.” 

“What are you going to do?” his mom asked.

“I’m going to stay home with you,” he replied.  She patiently explained that he couldn’t do that.  So he upped it a level:

“My tummy hurts,” he said.  “Can I stay home in my jammies?” The mixture of sympathy and cuteness wore on her defenses.  But wise woman that she is, she said, “If you stay home in your jammies, you’ll need to stay in your bed all day.”

That was enough for the second day.  The third, a similar story unfolded. Maybe it was the other boys’ example.  Maybe it was that there was no place for the kids to play, so that they were stuck lining up in front of the school instead of playing with the kids in the fenced area. Maybe.

But, maybe it’s also because transitions are tough.

Burns, the congregation I serve with, is experiencing this first hand.  There’s a lot of good things happening, but even good transitions can be stressful.

New Faces

We’ve had new people come, and they’ve been warmly welcomed by those already there.  However, some have also felt the wonder of seeing people we don’t know.  Things have changed and while its welcome, its also has some discomfort.

Family Size to Pastoral Size

With new people, the congregation has shifted from what Alice Mann calls a family size church to a pastoral size one.   In a family size, everyone knows everyone.  Communication is pretty easy as the grapevine is pretty active. Everyone chips in a little energy and the maintenance tasks are done.

With a pastoral size, and with new people, the grapevine doesn’t work in the same way.  Getting news to those that need it can be challenging, and involves adopting everything from facebook pages to newsletters.

Local to Regional

Just a decade ago, most of the people who came to Burns on a Sunday lived in or were connected to the village of Ashburn.  Now, its about a quarter.  People come for all kinds of reasons, especially because they feel an affinity with what God’s doing among us.  That’s great!  But, its meant our objectives shift from strategies that worked in a village, to ones that work for a region.

These changes are good, but they can be difficult.  Here are some things we’re discovering about navigating these waters.

Keep Focused

When my little guy was standing in line on that first day, as the boys are crying beside him, he was fixated on them.  His mom and I kept drawing his attention back to his teacher, how he was growing up, that he was going to have a great day.

No matter what the transition is, it helps to stay focused on the end of the transition. What are we hoping for?  What is God doing within and around us?  What will be the result of this season?

Talk Lots

As my little guy stood in line, we used our words to help him stay focused.  When he came into bed and said he didn’t want to go to school, we asked him why.  When people are feeling anxious about the transition they’re in, its important to talk about things.  What are we feeling, and what’s made us feel that way?

A few of us from Burns did that last night and realized much of what we were feeling was rooted in these transitions. Knowing that allowed us to live with the tension of this season, while working on some of the other things that were within our control.  What often happens is we blame all the tension on one or two issues.  They become flash points for a bunch of energy that is actually tied to other things too, like the discomfort and stress of a transition.  Talking it through allows us separate the issues, tackle the ones we can, and pray for the serenity to accept the things we can’t change.

Transitions, even good ones, can be tough.  My little guy’s first few days at school have proven that.  This afternoon though, he came out at lunch time, flashed a huge grin and said, “I had fun!”   Once we’ve accepted and named the energy transitions bring, we can discover the joy on the other side.